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[02 Feb 2010|07:23am] |
To my family and friends who insist an airbed is necessary for my well-being,
OW MY NECK. I think I like the floor better! (On the other hand, it is considerably less cold than sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bad.)
-Me
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[12 Dec 2009|04:01pm] |
Dear Everyone,
I just want it known: I LIKED JOURNEY BEFORE IT WAS COOL. this post made me sound like a bit of a twat, didn't it. Yeah. No clicks for me.
Thanks Sorry,
Me.
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[22 Oct 2009|07:19pm] |
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Dear Assistant Manager, You make me laugh
You make me sad at the same time
How is that possible?
Why do you keep teasing me, and acting like you have a crush on me?
You should not list
Work
School
Your girlfriend
As being a responsibility that is making your life hard
A relationship shouldn't be a responsibility
It shouldn't be hard
It shouldn't be difficult
It should be
Something that should make all your exhaustion and bad feelings go away Love, The coworker you have yet to realize actually likes you despite pretending she doesn’t P.S. Despite how annoying you are, you are really cute
....oh it sucks....
You are still have that girlfriend of yours )':
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| Happy recipe time! |
[17 Oct 2009|07:12pm] |
LJ users,
So this week I've gone themed with my happy note! Food theme yay! For my little bit of economic advice:
-Trying buying your groceries from the dollar store or some other small store. The prices are usually lower, and if you're willing to look and ask for help, you can usually find everything that the higher end grocery stores have except for produce. Seriously, my friend and I have a weekly cooking night and we can always find everything we need to cook a meal from scratch at the dollar store. I made cinnamon bread this week that was super good, if I do say so myself, and we found all the fixings for it including the bread pans for around $15 at the dollar store.
-Cook your food from scratch (or as close as you can get to that) rather than going straight for the prepared foods section. A lot of times it's cheaper to cook it yourself and it's a lot healthier. That way you also have leftover ingredients that you can stretch to make other stuff, like soup! Over the summer we'd buy enough food to make a couple simple meals and then we'd just make soup on the in between days with the excess. You get a lot of really good an interesting soups this way, too. Also, cooking can be a natural de-stresser. There's nothing like coming home from a stressful day of working and destroying a head of garlic. You feel so much better when you're done, and then you get to add it to something yummy and enjoy the fruits of your destruction!
-Don't buy the name brand products, they're really freaking expensive. I know Tazo tea is awesome, but trust me, the generic brand of herbal tea is just as good. The same is true for other products as well. I bought off brand dried fruit this week and it was better than the stuff I usually get from the Ocean Spray brand.
So, for my non-economic related happiness booster, this week I made yummy cinnamon bread. It was like apple pie in bread form. I tried making it twice before out of random leftover ingredients at home, and once with rice flour which failed, and it usually blew up. Seriously, I looked in the oven and was like: uh... where's the whole middle of my confection? oh, there it is... on the floor of the oven... that's weird.
Yeah, I put chocolate chips in it and that made it not only turn into this weird brownie fudge mixture, but mushroom cloud inside my oven. lol.
It didn't explode this time! I nommed so much of it last night; had to make up for the horrible cafeteria food that i didn't eat somehow! Anyhoo, I this is how I wrote out the recipe for when I had to go to the store and get ingredients:
(everything crossed out I just didn't add cuz I didn't feel like buying it)
-shit ton of applesauce
-bunch o' flour
-nom nom sugar
-but load dried or fresh chopped apples
-some vegetable oil
-bit o' salt
-dash of baking powder
-toss in some baking soda
-add the not so important nasty 'nilla extract
-sprinkle in some ground 'nana chips and/or hazlenuts
-some eggs w/o shells <--the first time my aunt baked she got this wrong. apparently her brownies had some extra crunch xD
Bake at 350ªF for 60 minutes and then eat it out of the pan-- trust me, it's better this way.
It was so yummy. I need to buy some more apple sauce so I can make some more. I couldn't find hazlenuts this time, but imma see if I can find them tomorrow at the store when Chelsea and I go shopping.
So, for those of you who are confectionally challenged, LET'S PLAY WITH PLAYDOUGH!! I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I made this gnome out of playdough a little while ago. His name is gnorton the gnome. He makes me smile every time I walk into my room b/c he looks slightly ridiculous. So, playdough, like cooking, can be a natural stress reliever. Why you ask? Well, you can beat the crap out of playdough and then put it back together and do it again! You can do it over and over again until you are satisfied! You can also make really amusing things while you unwind from your day. All you need for it is some flour, some salt and water. Mix in a bunch of flour with some salt and some water until it's at the consistency you want, then play with it! Once you've made something you like you can bake it and then paint it with acrylic paints and enjoy, or you can bag it up and play with it another day! And who doesn't love playdough? It's so fun to just chill on the floor and play with mushy dough goodness. For those of you who either don't have an oven or are like me and just really lazy, you can also microwave the playdough, just watch it since it can catch on fire. Unless you want to burn it, in which case that's you choice. I made the mistake of making a. aluminum foil for my playdough creation once, and then whe I got to impatient for the oven I didn't get all of the mold off and it caught on fire. My sister and I spent a good chunk of time fanning the smoke smell out of the house so wouldn't have to explain to out parents what we were doing making playdough at 3am. Good times.
Well, I hope you are all having good weeks, and if you want the actually ingredient amounts for the bread, just message me!
Cari
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| Anyone need a pick me up?--more than just economics |
[12 Oct 2009|02:11am] |
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Lj users,
I know that things have been hard for a lot of people in this recession, and that no amount of motivational phrases or pick me ups will make the bills disappear. So, in my attempts to spread the happy, I've decided to provide information at least once a week to help anyone experiencing these economic problems. Hopefully this helps someone out there.
-if you are able, it might be good to apply for a pell grant and go back to school for a while. My friend Brandon got one and they're covering all of his college costs. In other words, as long as you don't mind living in a dorm for a while, college might be a good place to be right now. Also, if you have a family, some colleges will waive almost all of your tuition or offer you better housing on campus-- I know the school I'm attending, Albion College, apparently pays for pretty much everything if you have a kid.
-For those of you who are unable to attend college, go to your local community center and see what programs they have to offer. I worked at one over the summer that seemed to have a new course every week to help people in economic crisis.
-Go to your Welfare office and see what they have to offer. Make sure you actually talk to someone, like a social worker; you have a better chance of actually getting help that way. (btw-- I know some people don't like the idea of going on welfare for pride reasons, but there's nothing shameful about getting aid when you need it. You pay enough in taxes that you deserve this help. The only shame is in not asking for help when you need it.)
For those of you who just need something happy, go outside at night-- now, while it's still kinda nice out-- and look up at the stars. Sometimes if you lay on the ground and look up, you can see the fireflies blinking against the sky and it looks really cool. Ten points to anyone who sees a shooting star! 100 to anyone who sees a shooting star that looks like it's running into a firefly! :D
To anyone feeling frustrated, and if none of the above helped, lay on the ground and throw a temper-tantrum. Seriously, My friend Em and I did this the other day and felt SO much better. I was like, "little kids don't just do this for attention or to manipulated parents, you actually feel better after! *lays back down and flails some more*" I guess even if you don't feel 100% better, after your done tantruming, you'll probably have made whoever saw you feel a million times better since seeing anyone over the age of 10 throw a tantrum is frigging hilarious. Hmm, maybe my next happy post will include a video of me tantruming? Idk, but I personally find the thought of a grown woman flailing around and yelling on the floor, really funny. Oh well, I'm rambling.
hoping I spread some happy,
me :D
PS-- if you made it all the way through my ridiculously long letter, you automatically get a million points! This letter was freaking long... I should sleep or something.
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[30 Aug 2009|10:28pm] |
I want you.
I want you so bad.
My only wish is for a little more emotional commitment on your part, but apparently you're incapable of that for your own reasons.
But I'm happy, at least, and yet inextricably the most, I mean something to someone.
I'm not used to that.
<3.
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[06 Jun 2009|11:31pm] |
you,
you WISH you were as pretty and skinny like the veronicas. dream on.
-me
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[29 May 2009|10:56pm] |
I need to be saved.
I can't do this alone.
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| Get Away |
[27 May 2009|11:29pm] |
Dear Mary,
I have a lot of insecurities in my life thanks to you.
My looks. My sex appeal.
Mostly.
My capabilities "in bed" can be thrown in there as well.
I think about you more than he does. Ha, I think about you at all and he thinks about you never. It doesn't take much.
My mother says I have a lot of insecurities (because of you,) which surprised her.
Because I'm a strong person.
I guess that's what happens when the love of your life chooses someone else.
But he was a fool. He was a fool who didn't see what was in front of him.
And then when he did, he ran as far away from you as possible.
(To me. I like to tell myself it worked that way. But I know life isn't a fairy tale.)
I hate you. Go away.
I have no questions about our relationship, his and mine. He loves ME. I don't deny it. I don't question it. I don't doubt it. I KNOW it.
But what I don't know is whether or not you're still
sexier
than me.
Whether or not you're still
better in bed.
And those things I'm told I just need to let go, because I will never know the answer (and chances are I wouldn't like the answer) and thinking about them will only drive myself sick.
I hate you. Go away.
Get out of my head.
You're not in my dreams anymore, so that's good.
Now get out of my head.
Please?
I'm sick of agonizing.
I wish my mind could comprehend the fact that whether or not I'm better than you doesn't matter. But it can't. Because I'm wired on competition. So now that I have won everything, I'm stuck on two last and final questions that I'm too afraid to ask, that he won't answer anyway.
So just go away.
I'm tired of dreading on this past idolized goddess view of you. You never were her. I'm certainly not her, but you never were her. (Ugh. Except that I still think you were.)
Fuck, why am I still going?
-The Her.
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| A few. |
[25 May 2009|01:58am] |
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To my Cardiac Canes,
You guys were amazing in the first two series. But last night? Not so much, gentlemen. However, you've earned the right to be tired as hell, and that's what you seemed last night. Just plain tired. I have no doubt that you could, if you weren't so damn tired, mop the ice with the Kid and company.
If you don't win this series...it's okay. I mean, I'll be disappointed, but I'll still cheer for you.
-The girl in the box up from the opponent's goal in the first and third
To the Pens,
Y'all are a good team. I've enjoyed watching you play. If you're the ones to go to the Cup, I'll probably cheer for you. I can respect a team that beats mine.
-A Caniac
To the man sitting in front of me last night wearing the Crosby jersey,
You were a very nice man. I enjoyed talking to you. You broke my fucking heart, though, when you told me you were down in Raleigh because you were seeing the doctors at Duke about your cancer. Jesus Christ, man--I hope like hell they can help you, and that you live to go to many, MANY games with your daughter.
-The girl sitting behind you with her sister
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[24 May 2009|10:47pm] |
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God:
I don't think I can take any more of these kinds of things.
Can we please slow down the pace a little...?
~daughter
Barb:
No, don't apologize. I deserve every bit of bitterness you sent at me a few hours ago.
You're like my second mom, pretty much. And after what I've done, I don't deserve you, as her biological mother, to be apologizing to me. I'm not that worthy.
~third daughter...does that still apply?
Sidney C:
You know, as alike as we are, I need to stop talking to you while I sort hockey photos.
But...thanks for being a good listener, anyway.
You make a good penguin plushie, too.
~fan
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[24 May 2009|10:24pm] |
Dear P,
I don't know what to do. I just do not know what to do anymore. I can't keep going without you. I miss you so much. I love you so much. Four months on, and the throught of someone else still disgusts me. Does that even mean anything, or am I just wasting my life away on someone who's not coming back?
Love,
A
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[24 May 2009|10:05pm] |
Dear S,
I just emailed you.
I wanted to hurt you.
But, I still hurt, thinking about you.
I thought we had something.
Obviously, I thought wrong.
Love (even though it hurts),
Me.
--------------------------------
I just want to be loved.
Why is that so impossible for me?
Why is that something I can't have?
I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, I know.
But, that means I deserve the hurt that comes with being loved, doesn't it?
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[25 May 2009|12:30am] |
Hey everyone. This is seriously a letter that I wrote to my boss. I don't think I can post it though. But I should. God, I don't know if I can.
Yes, I'm melodramatic and pathetic but this is how I feel.
"Dear C.
( reduced to ashes and wine )
Hoping you haven't lost all respect for me, I remain your friend,
Cam."
I have to see C again on Friday and I am not sure I can face him, knowing all these things are just waiting to be said, but at the same time, I'm terrified of actually sending the letter.
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| pomp and circumstance |
[24 May 2009|04:05pm] |
yesterday was my high school graduation. it went by so fast i can barely remember it.
ryan showed up just in time and dirk gave me a hug. it was great to see my boys.
i'm thrilled to be done, but stressed about all the tedious stuff involved with college has me stressed.
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| Dear Self, |
[24 May 2009|03:00pm] |
I'm sick of the lazy bullshit. I'm sick of the unrequited words that haunt me in my sleep, I'm sick of the worthless fears that tear me to shit and I'm sick of the oh-so predicible life I've let you fall into. You are worth it no matter what happens. No matter what he says or what anybody says life is for living and loving, laughter, memories, emotions and the bonds between everybody. That's what is worth living for. It's all going to change soon. You'll get to start over again.
With that out of the way, dear self, it's okay to be gay. I know it's been a long, hard road but it's something that has been very open to acceptance. All it takes is that step into the world. Bring all that you may cruel world, because I'm happy and I'm okay and that's all that matters. I'm alive and living and working as hard as I can. I shouldn't ever be settling for less. That leaves room for idleness. Clear out the spiderwebs, kill the spiders and prepare for the storm.
Honestly, I want someone to hold. I want kisses and hugs. But if that's not in my cards I gotta take my shit and keep moving on. I am all I got in the end. I don't want to ruin that. I'll be all that I've ever wanted to be and more. I'll be me and I'll be okay with it. From then, I think I deserve to love. I deserve to care and feel. I know I'll always be a mess but for christs sake I have to clean up.
god knows I can clean up damn well. and so do i.
so bring what you've got baby cause i'm fully armed and ready to fire.
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| Love me? Please? |
[24 May 2009|04:29pm] |
Dear you,
I don't think you actually have any idea how I feel about you, do you? I've fallen for you so hard, and day in day out i've got this dull ache in my chest wishing you loved me too. Maybe once exams are over you'll say you love me too again, I'm using that as something to keep me going right now. I'm so stressed with exams, and worried about my sister, and disappointed in friendships that haven't worked out, and I just need something to hold on to, like you. I was trying my damn hardest to get over you over the past few weeks, not that it was proving successful at all, but then you asked to "catch up over a cuppa" and obviously I said yes because I still wanted you as a brilliant friend even if it couldn't be anything more than that. But you didn't take me for a cup of tea, you took me back to yours. I don't know if you'd planned it before hand, but i'm pretty sure you knew you'd be getting some one way or another. We were just play fighting, watching startrek, then you kissed me. You know that saying thats used far too much? That one about fireworks going off at the touch of your lips? Well it actually happened, right inside my heart. It started beating about 10 times faster than normal, and right that instant I knew I loved you, and I was going to fight for you. I never have any idea if your actions speak for your feelings, but if they do, then maybe you love me just as much as I love you? But I don't want to get my hopes up again, not for them to come crashing down again. Not like last time. I don't know why I love you. You treated me badly, like I didn't mean anything to you before, you made me feel worthless, but every time I see you my heart does a somersault and I can't ignore it. We could be something special James, I know we could. The way you make me feel, its like nothing i've ever felt before. I can't put it into words that do this feeling justice. It's a split feeling, one is of complete and utter unconditional love, the other is not so great. It's one of fear, fear of rejection and heart break. I hate it, but I also love and need it. I need YOU. Some days I want to scream in frustration, others I just want to hold the unconditional love part close to me, and keep it close so no-one can find out. James, I really truly love you. Please just hold me and tell me you feel the same way.
"I should hate you.You fucked me over
You made me feel worthless.
I should hate you.
But everytime I see you,
my heart still leaps to my throat.
Stop doing that."
Please just love me back.
Unconditionally in love,
Emma
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[24 May 2009|03:25am] |
Dear Lettergraveyard:
has anyone ever watched a tv show and said "ooh, he's hot" and then realized that you could have fucked him (likely not dated him) but then you mentioned the guy you had just started seeing (the one destined to become the bedwetter who would break your heart) and he decided to call it a night early?
well that *just* happened to me, and man it burned. for the record there are two up and coming actors who have leads on major american stations who both tried to fuck me, but instead i "saved myself" and gave my virginity to a bedwetting psychopath, and ONLY pursue complete fucktards and socially inept losers.
Thank you, thank you, I need to get my shit together, fuck.
-me
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